Tag: love

The More things change

I just want to make things better for my family

But it’s seems like a circle that is spinning constantly

Happiness comes around and then it’s gone again

It’s impossible to hold onto long enough to call it a win

Somethings always changing and my mood is one for real

The smallest little things can happen and I don’t know how to deal

I wait for the happiness to come back around

While I struggle not to let it bring me too far down.

So I start to keep a smile plastered on my face

Until it’s been too long and I can’t find the strength to pace.

For now I’m getting better and the feeling lasts much longer

So I’ll call that a win because it’s made me so much stronger.

So while the feelings change, some things remain still

And that’s why we hold on to the good to prove that we’re not Ill.

Just keep in mind we make it by surviving each and every day.

And some days will be harder but it’s the game we have to play.

Take plenty of pictures of all the good times that you’ve had

It’s serves as a reminder that it not always so bad.

Keep smiling keep reminding yourself that it’s not always bad
In all that we do remember to do it with love
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A glimpse of happiness

Finally feeling happiness and joy since my doctor added Zoloft to my medication regiment

I can feel the edges curve upwards on my cheeks.

A feeling at first not recognized for its not normal for me .

It’s been more than a decade since I’ve truly felt this way.

At first it scared me as mania and I’m not sure what to say.

But I realize I am not dreaming the feelings I felt inside.

For my smile is usually covering a different feeling I’m trying to hide.

I worry it won’t last long and will slowly slip away .

But unless I am just dreaming I’m feeling more than just ok.

For once I feel true joy and gratitude wells up in me.

Happiness fills my heart and soul and left a smile for all to see.

Even if it’s for a little while I am so thankful I have this time.

Without the darkness swallowing my soul and filling it with grime.

A simple unexpected smile has given me so much hope.

I don’t care what might happen or even if I look like a dope.

I will cherish the time forever no matter how long this feeling lasts.

Forgetting all my suffering from my illness in the past.

I will wake up each day and thank Heaven for the chance

To feel something normal inside even if it’s just a glance.

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When your conditions help

So we are in the process of buying our new home in Savannah Georgia. We are in underwriting now and everything is moving so quickly. I have noticed that I am beginning to get a little manic but not in an uncontrollable way. I guess it is just the excitement that is triggering the extra energy. I think it’s a good thing because normally I wouldn’t be able to do all the things I have to do to make things happen on the tight schedule we are under. I basically have 2 weeks to get my entire life and my family organized and ready for the movers to come pack our apartment and then I’ll have a week and a half to clean and pass inspection in order to leave our apartment. I have to withdraw my kids from school and keep all important documents and paperwork separate so they don’t pack them with our household goods. Then I have to figure out how to get all the stuff we keep with us packed and moved to our new home all the while taking care of the dog and cat. It’s a lot of work but that’s ok because the mania is giving me the extra boost I need not to burnout to quickly. I just pray that it doesn’t get out of control and send me into paranoid delusions or hallucinations. As long as that doesn’t happen I can say for once my condition is helpful sometimes. I say that with cautious optimism. So keep me in your thoughts over the next month and I will do my best to keep you all posted on the process and hopefully everything will be ok. Oh one last thing I get to keep my doctor because my wonderful husband is going to drive 45 minutes to an hour each day so we can stay in Georgia rather than move to South Carolina where he will be working. I love him so much. He’s my hero. Not having to change doctors has made everything so much easier to handle. Okay I’ll end this post here and I hope you will follow me on this journey.

-Schiz N Giggles

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Since you’ve been gone

Since you’ve been gone a lot has changed here. We all have missed you in the past year.

The smile on your face and the light in your eye has yet to fade since you died.

We gathered together and mourned what we lost, but we know you’re happier and it’s worth the cost.

I know that you are watching us from grandma’s side, something you wanted for a long time.

To be together with her and once again see her face and for us to know your in a better place

Although I know these things that I’ve said are true, it’s still very lonely here without you.

Grandpa I miss you too much to express, so I wrote you this poem so I could confess.

I have yet had a day when I didn’t wish you were here, but I do know that one day you will be near.

To hold me in your arms and make me smile and make everything seem worthwhile.

So for now I must go but I hope you will see all of your love I carry with me.

Dedicated to my loving grandfather Pete I miss you every day and I know you are watching over me. So thanks for all the memories and I hope I can make you proud. Tell Dot I love her too.

My youngest and my Pete
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A Future for me

As I look towards the future I remember what is inside. A dark place within me that I try so hard to hide. I know I can’t remove it but I push it deeper down. I put on a smile and do my best to never frown. Each day it is easier to hide the hurt within, and to forget about the sorrow buried deep in sin. I sit up in my bed and I think of things to do. Things that keep me present and that keep me close to you. And with each that passes without fear doubt or shame, I get a little further from the person who was insane. I collect all my memories that shine a light onto my path, and lock away the horrors that have formed a seed of wrath. Your eyes they give me hope and your smile removes my fears and each day it gets easier to forget about the tears. I can’t wait to wake each morning and see your loving face. It fills my heart with love and I don’t think about that place. The place that is buried deep inside my soul, is now nothing more than an empty little hole. I fill it up with love and one day it will be gone and I will be complete again and have a brighter dawn. I hold onto this truth to forge a brand new way and the excitement builds within me knowing it gets fuller everyday. To be whole inside again helps me to hold on and I will not give up on it until I’m dead and gone. You push me to be better than I ever was before and you found the key that saved me and helped me lock the door. The door that if I opened could destroy me bit by bit, is now no longer threatening me because it does not fit. There’s no room left inside me and I owe it all to you and the determination you had to help and get me through. So as I look towards the future it is your face that I see. A face that saved my life and turned me back to me.

Hopefully you enjoyed this poem. It’s dedicated to my husband Sean whom I love and cherish most.

My heart and soul.
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